


Wanted: Wanting

by SpicyReyes



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Roronoa Zoro, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Roronoa Zoro, Lesbian Nami (One Piece), M/M, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Misunderstandings, Pining, Pining Roronoa Zoro, Post-Enies Lobby Arc, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:40:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23151874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyReyes/pseuds/SpicyReyes
Summary: After Eines Lobby, Sanji receives his first bounty poster.The amount is impressive, he supposes, if one ignores the swordsman holding his hand in the photo above it.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 56
Kudos: 412





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR THIS  
> I thought of this fic idea after the first bounty posters came up reading the manga for the first time and now like 2 full years later I am finally writing it, rip  
> Here's some gay shit

Zoro took the greatest offense of them all to Usopp’s severance of ties over the Merry, but when he protested letting him back in without a proper apology, Sanji agreed wholeheartedly. 

It was absolutely a matter of pride in their captain. Not at all a matter of personal pride. Not at all to do with the fact that, when they were fighting for the keys, Usopp had suggested Sanji and Zoro fight together, for maximum destructive power. Absolutely nothing to do with him also tossing them a set of seastone handcuffs for their opponents. It definitely didn’t involve the fact that they realized immediately the seastone handcuffs had been rigged to auto-lock, just in time for them to latch closed on both of the hands that had reached to catch them - firmly locking Sanji and Zoro together.

Sanji would be utterly offended to hear anyone imply that his reluctance was due to the fact that he spent a significant portion of the fight for the keys dodging attacks with Zoro, waiting for the second key they needed to unlock the cuffs before they could fight. Nor was it the fact that Zoro’s frustration with their yanking each other’s arms back and forth had boiled over, and he’d settled it by reaching out and simply grabbing Sanji’s hand, hauling him about without mind to his heavy protests. 

It had  _ nothing  _ to do with security cameras snapping a picture of them coming out of a dodge roll, winded and wild, gripping each other’s hand tight to minimize their conflict in movement.

And, most of all, it had absolutely not a single thing to do with the fact that this was the photo they’d chosen to make a new bounty poster, declaring them “Notorious Pirate Couple! Pirate Hunter Zoro and Black Leg Sanji!”

“It’s not Usopp’s fault you held Zoro’s hand,” Nami told him. 

_ “He _ grabbed  _ me!” _ Sanji protested immediately. Then, immediately remembering who he was talking to, he changed tones, telling her as  _ gently  _ as possible, “And this has nothing to do with the stupid bounty poster. I’m just worried for the persisting reputation of our captain. As the future king of pirates, he must have a reputation of respect. It won’t do to have a member of the crew who does not appreciate-...”

“I don’t care about that,” Luffy said, scratching the side of his nose and generally ignoring the protests of the rest of the crew. “He left for the Merry, but she’s gone now. It doesn’t matter that we fought about it anymore.” 

“He willingly left the crew,” Zoro protested. 

“He can leave if he wants,” Luffy said. “And if he wants to come back, he can.” 

“It shouldn’t be such a casual thing!” Zoro insisted. “You’ve made him who he is, and he spat that in your face.” 

Luffy blinked at him. “...Gross.” 

Zoro slumped, eye twitching. The rest of the crew watched on in amusement - Zoro’s love for Luffy was unrivaled and immeasurable, and was usually the first to agree with anything that came from the captain’s mouth, no matter how ridiculous. To see him pressed on an issue, getting genuinely frustrated with Luffy’s casual attitude, was a novelty. 

“At least make him apologize,” Sanji said, cutting in. 

“Oh, yeah,” Luffy said easily. “He hit me with one of those hot sauce balls. I’m not gonna forget that.” 

_ Well, that’s something,  _ Sanji thought. Zoro was clearly thinking along the same lines, and they met eyes just in time for Zoro to roll his. 

At least they’d get  _ some  _ kind of apology. Though that wouldn’t change the bounty poster. 

...Which this absolutely wasn’t about. Not at all.

He was absolutely not being petty over the fact that he’d been tied to Zoro for his bounty.

As a couple.

Sanji flushed, turning harshly away from Zoro and storming away, going to shut himself in the kitchen. 

“Is he mad because his bounty is lower than Zoro’s?” he heard Chopper ask, as he left.

“I don’t care about the stupid bounty!” Sanji yelled back to them, and slammed the kitchen door shut, safely locking himself away in his sanctuary. 

This was as good a time as any to see what the Thousand Sunny boasted among its kitchen furnishings, anyway. 

  
  
  
  
  


Usopp did, in fact, end up apologizing, and Luffy had welcomed him back onto the crew without another word about it, as they all figured he probably would. He was stubborn, and if he made up his mind that someone was  _ nakama _ , he wasn’t going to back down on it, even if they made themselves a gigantic pain in the ass. 

Zoro, in typical fashion, accepted Luffy’s decision without complaint, satisfied that  _ some  _ respect and remorse had been shown, and promptly forgot the whole thing.

That narrowed down the people on the ship who had a problem with Usopp to exactly  _ one.  _

They’d been at sea for two days, and while most of that time had been spent getting familiar with the ship and learning about their new crewmate, Franky, enough time had been spent as a group to make it rather quickly obvious that Sanji was not speaking to their sniper at all. 

Again, standard for the Straw Hat crew, this was handed subtly and tactfully.

“How long are you gonna be pissed about that bounty poster, shitcook?” Zoro demanded, at the same time Sanji sat the last of the dishes down at the table during dinner. 

If he were any less principled, Sanji would take his plate. As it was, he bristled, snapping, “I don’t give a shit about the stupid poster.” 

Ignoring him completely, Zoro tipped his head, telling him, “If anything, you should be pissed at  _ me.  _ I’m the one who grabbed your hand.” 

Sanji had nothing in his hands to throw, and was not about to break their new dining furniture with a kick, so he settled for bringing a fist down hard on Zoro’s fluffy green haired head. 

“Shut up!” he shouted. “I haven’t forgotten, you bastard!”

Zoro turned amused eyes on him, raising an eyebrow. “Thinking about it, huh?”

The rest of the table - with the exception of Luffy, bless him - giggled in response. Abandoning his reserves, Sanji hooked an ankle around the leg of Zoro’s chair, yanking to tip it back, dropping the swordsman onto the ground. He didn’t wait for him to recover, either, turning on his heel and stalking back into the kitchen in a huff.

Unfortunately, the new ship’s open concept dining area left him perfectly in view while he fumed, and did not muffle Zoro’s mutter of  _ “Touchy, jeez.”  _

“Sanji, you should be happy,” Nami called to him. “A lot of girls take an interest in this sort of thing. They might put up with you a little longer.”

Sanji froze, hands hovering over the sink, where he’d intended to wash his pots. 

_ Girls...take an interest?  _ In…

He didn’t even want to think it. The implication was bad enough when he was firmly repressing it, thinking of it exclusively as a double bounty poster, ignoring the word they’d chosen. But, to  _ include  _ that word, to use that as a  _ positive-  _

_ It’s the marimo,  _ he reminded himself.  _ No positives there. Even if you  _ were  _ going to let people think it - which is stupid - you can’t stand that guy.  _

It didn’t matter, anyway, he told himself. Luffy’s bounty only ever came up with pirate hunters and other pirates, and his was  _ huge.  _ His bounty shouldn’t matter much, let alone the format it came out in. The poster wasn’t the important part. If he should worry about any of them, it should be Nami’s, with the highly inappropriate photo they’d chosen for it. 

Usopp technically didn’t even  _ have  _ a bounty, everything being attributed to his caricature alter-ego, and Chopper’s might be considered a windfall for a particularly hard-pressed child, with some imagination. It could have been much worse. 

At least he was known, now, 'notorious' and highly valued, with an epithet reminiscent of his teacher's. 

….His teacher. His  _ fucking teacher.  _

The Baratie crew would be pissing themselves laughing. Bounty posters made it everywhere, after all - plenty of people who knew the Straw Hats would be collecting their new posters as novelties, and Sanji's was…. _ that.  _

He abandoned the dishes for moment, promising the room, "I'll be right back," before stepping out onto the lawn deck for a smoke. Normally, he wouldn't leave the kitchen at all from the moment he started the prep for a meal to the moment the last dish was cleaned and put away, but his need for nicotine was overwhelming even his obsessive work routine. 

'Notorious Pirate Couple' - he was not going to live that down anytime soon. How many people that they knew were taking the poster at face value? How many looked at it and thought,  _ ah, yes, this is a reasonable thing that could have happened.  _

He wanted to be confident that everyone else thought it was as ridiculous a concept as he did, but he knew better than to place bets on his own luck. 

_ Figures,  _ he thought. He'd had an uncanny streak of good fortune, lately, it was bound to hit a snag eventually. 

It was just a shame that this snag had to be a large green man-shaped one. With a mouth, that spent half the time it was open pissing Sanji off, and a good percentage of the other half snoring. 

The end of the cigarette came too quickly. As much as he wanted to, though, he didn't light another - he proffered to avoid chainsmoking, for one, and he disliked leaving the kitchen to the mercy of the crew. The lock on the fridge was a nice touch, but unless Franky had laced the cabinet handles with seastone, Luffy was still not to be left unattended anywhere near it. 

Returning to the room brought no new commentary, the crew apparently taking his escape to mean that he was bothered beyond the point their jokes were funny, and he was able to navigate the rest of the meal in relative peace. 

In the process, though, he made a point to speak to Usopp directly at least once. Just to prove there was no grudge, and all. 

  
  
  
  


Someone on the crew was going to die. 

He didn't know who, but he was hoping it was Franky, because he didn't know the man well enough to miss him that much. Not, of course, that he would miss any of the others,  _ especially  _ not whatever dirty traitor was responsible for  _ this.  _

_ This  _ being that, along with Luffy's grin and Usopp's stupid mask, his and Zoro's clasped hands were posted right up on the wall to the left of the door in the men's quarters. 

Luffy had posted  _ both  _ his posters, one partially overlapping the one before it, but both showing. Zoro's posters had been subjected to the same, which left Zoro's admittedly impressive original bounty poster poking out from under the text declaring him the world's most wanted gay pirate. 

Sanji twitched. He had strayed a little too close to That Thought again, and was getting away from the point. 

The point being that, whoever put the posters up, they were a dead man. 

"Who put these here?" Sanji demanded to the room at large, pointing to the posters. 

"Huh?" Luffy sat up in his bunk, taking a look, and let out a pleased noise. "My new poster is up! Ha, we should keep them all together, until they cover the whole wall." 

"Yeah, okay," Sanji said, "but who put  _ mine  _ here?"

"I did."

Sanji turned incredulous eyes on Zoro. "You  _ what?"  _ He asked.  _ "Why _ would you do that?"

Zoro blinked at him, then raised a finger, pointing lazily to the poster behind Sanji. 

"I'm in it."

Sanji flushed, though from anger or what else, he wasn't quite sure. "I  _ know  _ you're in it, blade-for-brains. That's why it  _ shouldn't be up here!" _

Zoro shrugged. "My bounty went up," he said. "I'm keeping it." 

Sanji made a strangled noise of sheer rage, but dropped it, stomping his way over to the bunks and climbing grumpily into his own. 

On the Merry, he and Zoro had both tended to sleep on the ground, on the mat under the hammocks Usopp and Luffy claimed. They'd all be shuffling around in the bunks so far, trying to figure out who wanted to be where. Luffy's choice was irrelevant, because he always ended up on someone else's, and Zoro's never changed from the bottom corner, usually claimed before anyone else even strayed toward the quarters, but everyone else had been trying different spots. 

Tonight, Sanji deliberately chose the bunk directly above Zoro, as it was the only one that completely kept the swordsman out of sight. 

It was not petty, he told himself. 

Nor would it be if he tore down the poster in the morning. 

He very deliberately did not think about what might have been the reason he would not take the poster down with Zoro still in the room. 

This wasn't going to get to him. 

It  _ wasn't _ .


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for uhhh some homophobic/transphobic attitude from sanji because one piece is rather problematic and i can only help it so much

Sanji didn’t take the poster down.

There were many reasons for this, he assured himself. For one, their sleep schedules didn’t allow it - Zoro fell asleep after him and woke up later as well, Sanji’s strict wake-up time to cook breakfast having him starting his day barely an hour after Zoro settled down to properly sleep. 

After that, though, Zoro filled his day with so many naps, Sanji couldn’t think of a single moment where he could slip unnoticed back into their quarters that the man wouldn’t already be there, as well. When he fell asleep _above_ deck periodically throughout the day, it lined up eerily with Sanji’s cooking times, and from the second a meal was started preparation to the second the last dish was cleaned and put away, Sanji _could not_ leave the kitchen. It was simply a duty. 

His only option to remove it would be to do so while Zoro was present, but there was a line - arguing with a man was fine, but it was a certain level of disrespect to look someone in the eyes and rip down their bounty poster, and he didn’t think they were there yet. 

... _ Yet.  _

_ That might change, though, _ he thought, as he rushed to put himself between Kuma and Zoro, offering his own life in place of Zoro’s, which he’d offered up in place of Luffy’s. 

Especially after Kuma’s eyes landed on him, and he made mild-toned observation of, “‘Black Leg’ Sanji. That’s right...the ‘Pirate Couple.’” 

Sanji twitched. “That’s not-...!” 

He felt something strike the back of his neck, and his vision went fuzzy. 

As he hit his knees, all he thought was,  _ if he lives, I’ll fucking kill him.  _

  
  
  
  


Sanji stood a few feet from Zoro, taking in the ring of blood splattered around him. It was absolute bullshit that nothing had happened, but Zoro clearly wasn’t going to share, and there was no point pushing it. Zoro was stubborn to a fault, and if it was Luffy’s life on the line, he wouldn’t regret his choice, whatever horrible thing Kuma had put him through. 

“You shouldn’t have gotten involved.” 

Sanji blinked, staring at Zoro incredulously. “You…” The words registered, and he bristled, shouting back, “What do you mean, I shouldn’t have gotten  _ involved?  _ You asked him to kill you!”

“I asked him  _ not  _ to kill Luffy,” Zoro said. “If I had to die, that’s fine.” 

“That’s not fucking fine!” Sanji yelled. “Of course I stepped in, you absolute moron! I’m a chef! My job is essential, but I’m not! Luffy wouldn’t take another step past this island if you weren’t with him!”

“Fuck off, eyebrows,” Zoro said, twisting around to glare at him. “You’re ‘not essential’? Everyone on the crew is essential.”

“You were willing to go on without Usopp,” Sanji said. “I’m no more integral to the crew than he is.”

“Luffy was willing to go with it because it was Usopp’s choice!” Zoro snapped. “Dying isn’t a choice!”

“It  _ was,  _ and I was making it!”

“Yeah, well, I said no!” 

“And who are  _ you  _ to tell me what to do, moss-brain?” 

Zoro scowled at him, looking away.

“That’s what I thought,” Sanji said, feeling slightly mollified. “You just have a stupid, self-sacrificing hero complex, and you didn’t want to live knowing I died for you to be stupid.”

“Exactly.”

Sanji faltered, gaping at Zoro. “You...are agreeing with me?”

Zoro, still facing away from Sanji, pushed off the ground, getting to his feet. 

There was something about his posture that made Sanji’s stomach roll. “Zoro…?”

“I won’t ever be okay with that,” Zoro said, voice low but stern, his fists clenched at his sides. “Never, for as long as I’m alive, will I be okay with someone dying for me. If it’s my life or Luffy’s, it’s not a choice. If it my life or  _ yours, _ it’s not a choice, either, cook.” 

He turned his head over his shoulder, then, glaring at Sanji with such a fierce stare that he physically  _ felt  _ it, taking a step back under the force that hit him, the tangible aura of  _ fury  _ radiating from the swordsman. 

“Don’t you ever try to die for me,” Zoro growled at him. “If I can’t protect the people I care about, I didn’t deserve my life, anyway.”

“That’s…” Sanji tried, but Zoro turned away again, stalking off into the distance.

He watched him go, heart pounding in his chest. 

_ People I care about,  _ he’d said. 

Heartbeat thumping in his ears, Sanji wondered,  _ Did that also mean... me? _

  
  
  
  


They don’t talk about it. 

In fact, they don’t talk at all. Not even to argue, which the crew  _ must  _ have picked up on, but tactfully said nothing about - much to Zoro’s suspicion, if the distrustful looks he kept shooting Nami meant anything. 

By the time they dock at Sabaody, Sanji had memorized the way Brook preferred his tea for each different type of blend, but hadn’t said so much as a  _ good morning  _ to Zoro directly. 

This meant the first conversation they had was when Sanji leaned over the edge of the ship, calling after him, “Dumbass! Don’t go onto the island alone! You’ll get lost!” 

“I’m not an idiot!” Zoro yelled back, pointing to the tree beside the dock. “Every dock is numbered! Anyone who can read could get back here!”

“Oh,” Sanji said, staring at the gigantic number  _ 41  _ on the edge of the grove. “Right. ...Go on, then.”

Zoro made a face at him, and turned, marching off without a word in reply.

In the ensuing chaos - Celestial Dragons, auction houses, fights way out of their league - they didn’t get a chance to speak again.

That meant that Sanji spent a full two years with the knowledge that the very last thing he’d told Zoro was, essentially, to fuck off. 

Ironic, considering Zoro was the only thing that got him through those years. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a comedy of errors that led to his choice, and if it hadn’t happened  _ exactly  _ as it had, Sanji never would have done it. He was  _ certain  _ he wouldn’t have. Never in his life would he have stooped so low if it were not essential to his survival. 

But, the thing was, when he was launched to a new island, waking up with feminine figures leaning over him, his guard was down, and he’d opened himself up to the ensuing mistakes. 

Mistake one: thinking ‘feminine’ meant ‘female.’

Mistake two: realizing he’d made ‘mistake one’ far,  _ far _ too late. 

“Ladies, ladies,” one of the- the drag queens? The unfortunate women? He couldn’t even say for certain, and he really didn’t care, so long as they kept it as  _ none of his business -  _ said, waving the others back. “Give him space, be nice! Remember, he has a boyfriend~!”

Mistake three: Sanji bristled, yelling from the ground, “That stupid swordsman! He’s not my- that poster is  _ bullshit!”  _

A thousand glinting eyes turned on him. 

“Oh?” the... _ person  _ in the front said, watching him with a renewed interest. “So you  _ aren’t  _ taken?” 

Sanji faltered. 

_ Bad idea,  _ he thought to himself.  _ Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea-.. _

Mistake four. The deadly one.

“A-ah, I mean,” Sanji said, holding his hands up to stop the advancing of the crowd. “I-I mean, of course he is. Obviously. The- The picture, you saw.”

Suspicious eyes watched him closely. 

“Y-yeah, that’s the case,” Sanji said, a little more firmly - trying to find the hot air to pump into a lie that Usopp somehow always found. “Obviously, I….”

He swallowed.

Mistake five. Five, and six, and seven, over and over again, over the course of two full years, his constant companion, his impenetrable armor, the sword that struck home each and every time.

“I have a boyfriend.” 

  
  
  
  
  


The first thing Sanji bought on Sabaody was a pack of cigarettes. 

Very few ships came and left Kamabakka, and convincing the okama - a term they’d insisted he could use, despite him originally trying to find something more tactful - to pick up tobacco products of any kind was a struggle, given Ivankov’s  _ technical  _ status as a doctor and low opinion of smoking. Over the years, Iva - as he insisted Sanji call him, much to the displeasure of the others on the island - had worked out a deal with their warriors: Sanji defeated one of the 99 and received one recipe and one,  _ one,  _ pack of cigarettes. 

He’d paced out his fights to roughly one a week, so it wasn’t  _ complete  _ deprivation, but being able to light a cigarette of his  _ preferred  _ brand, knowing he could get another whenever he pleased, was a luxury he was happy to have. 

The additional luxury was the view: people, bustling about and living a life, in normal, subdued ways. 

And women. There had been  _ maybe  _ a handful of actual women on Kamabakka, most of which had taken Iva’s offer of a hormonal change, but they were few and far between, and Sanji couldn’t interact with them without blowing his cover.

He twitched at the thought, worrying the cigarette in his mouth. 

At least he didn’t need  _ that  _ anymore. 

He was a free man, now, able to do whatever he wanted in that freedom.

...Once he remembered how to form a sentence when faced with a woman, because he seemed to be having trouble with it. 

  
  
  
  


Seeing Zoro again was both a relief and a deep, gut-wrenching annoyance.

Over their two year training gap, Sanji had often imagined his first conversation with Zoro when they met up again. It was usually an argument, but occasionally kind, him entertaining the possibility they might both have matured to a level of mutual tolerance. 

(Sometimes, in the dark of night, the conversation turned deep, nearing tearful, as Sanji found words for some of the thoughts that tore through him during his lowest times. These were left in the nighttime, where they belonged.) 

He would not have, in any of his daydreams, pictured him having to interrupt Zoro’s fight with a random pirate, because the idiot had come all the way to Sabaody and gotten on the wrong fucking ship. 

Still, this was the outcome he got, and he had no choice but to deal with it. 

It took them about thirty seconds to move past, “hey, marimo” and reach “FUCK OFF, MUSTACHE-BROW,” which was probably a record for them. 

The arguing did not falter for so much as a second as they made their way along the ring of groves, until the moment Luffy revealed himself by starting a massive multi-pirate brawl in the middle of the damn island. 

Before long, they’ve obliterated Sabaody, and reunited as a crew - Nami and Robin looking more beautiful than ever - and set sail again. 

And then, it happens. 

“You know, Sanji,” Robin said, looking him over. “You’ve grown up rather considerably.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

The entire ship froze.

Robin’s eyes were saucer-wide, as were the rest of the crew’s, Sanji included. They gaped at each other, both equally stunned by the comment. 

“That’s...nice,” Robin commented, sounding pleased, her cheeks slightly pink. 

“Yeah, that’s awesome, Sanji!” Chopper said, squishing his cheeks in his own hoofs. “It’s so sweet that you calmed down and matured! I was worried-...!”

“Worried about  _ what?!”  _ Sanji demanded. “Forget I said that! I didn’t mean to! It’s force of habit!”

“Oh?” Nami said, a spark in her eyes, leaning in eagerly. “This has been a long-term thing, then?” 

Sanji’s face  _ burned,  _ as he stuttered out, “I-it isn’t like that, I just said it, I don’t- We’re not- He  _ isn’t-..”  _

“Oi, Zoro,” Luffy called, suddenly, drawing all their attention, following his shout to the door to the Sunny’s interior, which was closed harshly the same second they looked at it. To the crew, Luffy asked, “Where’s he going?”

“Oh,” Robin said, raising a hand to her mouth. “Maybe…”

“Zoro…” Chopper murmured. “That’s…”

“Yeah,” Franky agreed, to his side. “It’s really…”

Sanji looked to them, bewildered, as they both teared up.

“THAT’S SO TRAGIC.”

Sanji’s moment to explain had passed, as whatever had apparently transpired with Zoro while he stumbled over his knee-jerk reaction to direct attention, so he’d just have to let them know later what he’d meant. He’d find some way to get the story across without revealing quite what he’d been up to for two years - ninety-nine fights in drag were something he would happily take to his grave. 

He just hoped it wouldn’t cause any problems  _ before  _ then. 

But, really, it was just a dumb idea. What harm could it cause?


	3. Chapter 3

Sanji would have given many things to just hide in the kitchen, but Luffy had been given a buffet worth of food by Hancock, and happily dumped it out to share, rendering his job redundant for the moment. 

Robin vanished while they ate, and returned a good while later, Zoro at her heels. The swordsman hovered at a distance from the group, looking annoyed, and said nothing.

_ What did I miss?  _ Sanji thought, watching him.  _ He seems...angry.  _

He didn’t get a chance to find out right away - shortly after they’d eaten, Usopp spotted something in the distance, and then they were being attacked by some dumbass in an oversized shirt who was dropped off and abandoned by his crew immediately. 

When Zoro finally spoke, it was to that guy, questioning him about his ship and his motives. To the side, Sanji couldn’t help but feel annoyed - he only bothered to speak now when it was to an enemy? Was that it?

Except, then, he  _ did  _ talk to them. Sanji, even. Because their brand new prisoner leered at Nami, and Sanji put his boot into the man’s face to remind him that that was a  _ bad  _ idea, and Zoro scowled at him and said, “Like you’re any better, shi-..”

And then he stopped. He scowled harder, his eyebrows twitched closer together, and he immediately looked away, devoting himself instead to getting some answers out of their ship invader. 

_ Why did he stop?  _ Sanji thought, but immediately answered his own question: because he thought Sanji had changed. The whole crew was, at that moment, operating under the impression Sanji had made a full turn around in the past two years, rededicating himself to a happy monogamy  _ with a man.  _

The first part was  _ plausible,  _ if he met someone he cared enough for, but the second? Really, they should have known him better. 

  
  
  
  


They fought a Kraken. 

Specifically,  _ Luffy  _ fought a Kraken, while Sanji and Zoro distracted it. 

At one point, the beast made eye contact with Sanji following an attack, and raised a tentacle, only to find a swordsman in the way, shaving the entirety of it into strips within the blink of an eye. 

“Stay out of my fights, marimo!” Sanji yelled to him, unable to help it. 

“Stop losing them!” Zoro shouted right back. 

“Stop cutting his arms off!” Luffy scolded them both. “I want it!” 

_ He’s gotten even worse,  _ Sanji thought, watching Luffy strike out at the Kraken.  _ The New World is full of unknown horrors, and this guy is gonna try and keep them as a damn pet.  _

Still, watching Luffy’s new moves was impressive. Even weakened by the sea, he was ferocious, easily taking out the Kraken with a single solid hit. 

“We need to get back to the Sunny,” Zoro called to Luffy. “The current’s changing. We’re gonna-...”

The water rushed around them, and Sanji felt his bubble lurch sideways.

_ Fuck.  _

Before he could think to do anything but brace, the current caught them, a sweeping force that took everything - Kraken included - downward, rushing toward the sea floor. 

_ This isn’t good,  _ Sanji thought, looking around wildly. Through the swirling water around him, he tried to catch sight of the others, or the ship.

_ I don’t see them,  _ he thought, panicking.  _ Where did they go? Where’s the Sunny? Where are Luffy and Zoro?  _

He was distracted almost immediately by another immediate concern: the pressure in his bubble was building, the air starting to feel thin, the surface of the bubble so close to his skin that his arms kept breaking out a bit to dip into the water around him.

_ Not good,  _ he thought. If he touched too many places at once-

_ Pop! _

Water engulfed him, whipping him along the current. The water pushed him with bruising force, and even his formidable swimming didn’t stand a chance against it. It was all he could do to keep his head turning, looking around wildly for the others. 

The pressure of the deep sea, though, made it even harder to hold his breath. He could feel his lungs straining, had fuzzy spots starting to crawl into his vision…

...And then something seized his wrist, and  _ pulled,  _ dragging him upward.

The second he entered the bubble again, he gasped a deep breath, panting until the burning in his chest was gone...only to panic as he realized his mistake.

“You idiot, Luffy!” Sanji snapped, looking out at the sea around them frantically. “Help me find the Sunny! There’s not enough air in here for us both to stay in it long.”

“I already told you, shitcook,” the man behind him said. “I’m not letting you die.” 

Sanji froze, then turned, wide eyes landing on Zoro, leaning against the edge of his bubble with a scowl. 

“Zoro?” Sanji questioned.

“Who else?” Zoro snapped in reply, before looking out to the water. “Help me find Luffy. If _ he  _ pops his bubble, he’s dead. Devil Fruit eaters don’t stand a chance in this.” 

That was a fair point, and Sanji ceded to it, looking the other way into the current. 

The water was starting to ease, but the pressure was still immense, and he could feel the edges of the bubble vibrating under his hands. 

_ There.  _ In the distance, the tiniest flicker of red. 

“Found him!” Sanji called to Zoro, as the shine of a bubble came into view, Luffy’s riding the last jet of the current before being spit out in their direction. “Luffy! Over here!”

Luffy startled, straightening out, beaming their way-

_ Pop.  _

He had a split second to go wide-eyed and fearful before he went limp, eyes drifting closed, body starting to sink. 

“Shit!” Sanji said. “Hold on!”

_ “Cook!”  _

Sanji ignored Zoro yelling at him, launching himself out of the bubble, swimming as fast as he could toward Luffy. 

He was the best swimmer, by far, so it was good he was there - swimming under so much pressure felt like it was cracking his bones, and it slowed him down a good bit, so that his lungs were already starting to ache by the time his hand closed around Luffy’s upper arm. 

_ Please be close by,  _ he thought to the Sunny. He was about to waste a lot of their oxygen. 

He cut through the water, trying to navigate back to the bubble. It was dark, and his vision wasn’t great with the strain of holding his breath making it waver at the edges, but he could see green in the distance. 

_ Get him to Zoro,  _ Sanji thought.  _ Zoro can… _

_ Zoro… _

He was so close….

He stretched out his free hand, reaching….

“Dumbass!”

A hand grabbed his own, and pulled.

Sanji broke through the edge of the bubble, dragging Luffy in with him, collapsing right away, laying out while he caught his breath in huge gasps of air.

“You are the stupidest fucking person I’ve ever met,” Zoro informed him. A hand pushed wet strands of hair back off Sanji’s face a bit, freeing his eye from beneath the mat of it. “You’re genuinely gonna kill yourself doing stupid shit one day, and it’ll be your own damn fault. I can’t fish you out of every trap you walk into, eyebrows.” 

Sanji raised a hand, batting Zoro’s away, opening his eyes to glare up at him. “Nobody asked you to-...”

Wait.

_ Up? _

_ I can’t be laying on the bubble floor, completely,  _ Sanji thought.  _ It’s too unstable.  _

He looked, slowly, to see where he was laying-

-And quickly scrambled up off of Zoro’s lap, putting himself firmly on the other side of Luffy. 

“Somebody had to rescue our braindead captain,” Sanji defended. 

A cough drew both their attention, and they looked to Luffy as the other slowly coughed his way back into wakefulness, eyes peeling open within the safety of the bubble. 

Sanji felt a swell of relief.

“Woo,” Luffy breathed. “That was crazy.” He sat up, looking around, out into the water.

“I don’t see the Sunny,” Sanji told him. “It’s gotta be-...”

Luffy waved a hand dismissively. “I’m not worried about that yet. We gotta get that octopus thing!”

Sanji was going to strangle him.

  
  
  
  


“I’m in heaven,” Sanji announced. “I’ve found the All Blue. This is the pinnacle of my achievements in life. I will never be happier than this.” 

“They’re mermaids, Sanji,” Usopp said. “Not the One Piece.” 

“You shouldn’t stare at them, either,” Chopper said. “It’s rude.”

“We don’t mind!” One of the mermaids said, sweetly, smiling at them. “Most humans are fascinated when they come here.”

“Yeah, well,” Usopp said, rather loudly. “ _ He _ shouldn’t, anyway.”

Sanji felt a sense of foreboding. “A-ah, Usopp-...” he tried to say.

Usopp steamrolled right over him, announcing to the full room, “If he keeps being a creep, I’m telling his boyfriend.” 

“Usopp!” Sanji yelled.

Usopp shook his head, unrepentant. “It’s what you deserve! Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean you-..!”

Sanji kicked him,  _ hard _ , sending him crashing onto his ass. 

“Sanji!” Chopper scolded. “Don’t hurt him! He’s right, anyway! You’re being very-...”

“I don’t  _ have  _ a boyfriend!” Sanji told them, fuming. “It’s just force of habit to tell people I do! That’s all!” 

“Aww.”

The soft coo drew his attention back to the pool of mermaids, watching him with wide, empathetic eyes. 

“Did you guys break up?” one asked, sympathy dripping from her voice.

Sanji’s heart seized.  _ They’re so kind… _

_ No, wait.  _ He couldn’t focus on that- they were asking about  _ that,  _ and he had to set the record straight.

[Pun intended.]

But...what was it Nami had said?  _ A lot of girls take interest in this sort of thing.  _

And they were looking at him so sweetly…

“Ah…Yes?”

The mermaid who’d asked tipped her head, eyebrows knitting together. “You said that like you’re unsure.” She raised a finger, tapping her chin, before apparently coming to a conclusion, smiling again. “Oh, I get it- you’re on a break, right? You had a fight, and you’re not sure if you’ll make up?” 

Sanji twitched.

But…

It wasn’t a  _ lie,  _ was it? He’d been using Zoro for this, and Zoro had gotten grumpier over the years and was currently being a major pain in the ass. And, while Sanji was confident they’d tolerate each other, he highly doubted they would ever be  _ close. _

Also, it was a shame to crush a lady’s hopes, and the mermaids all looked so eager for his tale, leaning in to hear what he had to say. 

“Ah, of course,” he said, beaming at them. “That’s it, precisely. Things are very…chaotic. For the moment, though, I assure you, I am functionally single.” 

The lead mermaid leaned forward a bit more, looking eager, but another mermaid reached out, catching her shoulder. 

“Careful, Sora,” she warned.

Sanji froze.

“You wouldn’t feel bad?” the mermaid asked, looking to him. “Wouldn’t it hurt him, if he knew you were flirting with girls?” 

She was talking to him, he was certain, and it was criminal to ignore a lady, but-

-But she had long, blonde hair, and a sweet smile, and she watched Sanji with open interest, the way few people did. She looked at him like he had value, and she smiled, and she told him-

She told him-...

“Sanji?” Chopper asked, hesitant, at his side. “You’re shaking.” 

Sanji took a step back, snapping himself out of it. Keeping his eyes firmly fixed downward, he told them in a monotone voice, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He dropped himself into a low bow, as an apology, and turned quickly, getting himself out of the room without looking back at her.

_ Sora,  _ he thought.  _ Of all the names… _

They were probably drawing conclusions from his behavior, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

For a second, there, he’d seen a ghost, and it shook him much more than the ones they’d seen at sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tune in next time to see if the author will ever cut sanji some fuckin slack


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want roughly Zoro's headspace for the middle of this chapter, try the Florence + the Machine song "Hurricane Drunk"

Sanji’s hands shook their way to lighting his cigarette, but he relaxed a little with the first draw of smoke. 

It was an overreaction. It was just a name, it shouldn’t have shook him so much. 

_ Why is it,  _ he thought,  _ that I’ve forgotten how to see a woman? I either see them, or I see her- there’s no in between.  _

“Excuse us! Human!”

Sanji looked up, eyeing the approaching fishmen. 

“That’s one of them,” one of the fishmen said, squinting at Sanji. “I’ve seen him- he was on that double poster.” 

Sanji’s stomach sank, for once not simply because of the mention of the poster. They’d been caught. 

He tipped his head, feigning ignorance. “I don’t know what you’re on about,” he said. “Who are you?” 

The shark fishman in the front raised a hand to his chest. “I am Fukaboshi,” he introduced. “These are my brothers, Ryuboshi and Manboshi. We are the princes of Fish-Man Island.”

_ Oh, great,  _ Sanji thought. Out loud, he said, “...Is there something you needed, Prince Fukaboshi?” 

Fukaboshi inclined his head slightly. “We have a message for your captain, Straw Hat Luffy.” 

Sanji twitched. He’d have liked to take another drag off his cigarette, but blowing smoke with people standing in front of you was horribly rude, especially if those people were  _ princes.  _ Instead, he shifted his weight, and said, “What sort of message?” 

“It comes from an ally,” Fukaboshi said. “The former Shichibukai, Jinbe.” 

Sanji relaxed a fraction. “The royal family is playing messenger for pirates?” 

“The message was entrusted to me,” Fukanboshi replied. “I will deliver it personally.” 

Sanji was highly suspicious….But Luffy had been kicking fishman ass since Sanji met him, and he was infinitely stronger now. If it came down to it, he had faith in his captain. 

He turned, taking advantage of facing away to smoke. “I’ll get him,” he said. “But don’t expect much from him. His respect for monarchy isn’t very strong.” 

A positive, in Sanji’s opinion. Respect was safe, but rarely deserved. 

_ Maybe I’m just feeling too raw right now, though,  _ he thought. 

  
  
  
  
  


The message turned out to be cryptic and generally unhelpful, given that they really had no idea what the fuck either was talking about. Luffy, though, heard ‘don’t fight Hody’ and decided he had to learn who Hody was so that he could tell if that order was to be thrown out or not. 

“Honestly,” Usopp breathed, to Sanji’s side. “He only wants to fight him because they said not to.”

Sanji had no response to that - they all knew Luffy was like that. 

Camie took them to the Mermaid Cafe to investigate, which Sanji was thrilled about...until, a step shy of entering the door, a voice called out his name, loud and joyous. 

He stiffened. 

“Hm?” Luffy turned around, looking in the direction of the voice. “Oh. Do you know those guys, Sanji?”

“Nope,” Sanji said, reaching for the door. “Definitely not-...”

A weight slammed into his back, knocking the wind out of him, and arms threw themselves around his waist, hauling him up into the air in a ridiculously enthusiastic hug. 

“Sanji~!” the man holding him cried out again. “You made it!”

“Oh, he did~!” Another voice joined, a second set of arms joining the first. “I knew you would!”

“Of course I made it!” he snapped. “Put me down!”

Reluctantly, the two sat him on the ground, and he spun to glare at them. 

“Hey, Sanji,” Luffy said, popping up in front of him to get a better look. “Who are these guys?”

“I’m Splash,” one introduced. 

“And Splatter,” the other completed. “We’re friends of Sanji’s!”

“Oh, Sanji,” Splash said, while Sanji was sputtering, trying to find a denial. “Where’s your boyfriend? I wanted to meet him…”

“No,” Sanji said, immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“Aww,” Splatter said, hands pressing against his cheeks, looking at Sanji like he was just  _ adorable.  _ “Don’t worry, we wouldn’t dream of getting between you~! You love him so much…”

Sanji’s face burned, and he very deliberately did not look to the side, where he could practically  _ feel  _ Usopp and Chopper gaping at him. 

“Sanji talked about him every day,” Splash told Luffy dreamily. “It was so cute...you couldn’t get anywhere near him without learning all about him!”

“That’s not-..!” Sanji fumed. “Don’t tell them that!”

“He’s so embarrassed!” Splatter cooed. “Where  _ is  _ he? I wanted to-...”

“Sanji’s boyfriend?” Luffy said, blinking perfectly innocently up at the twins, casually stating, “They broke up! He told us earlier.”

Both twins  _ shrieked  _ in reply.

Sanji winced. “It’s…! Don’t- Can everyone  _ shut up _ about it?”

The twins both looked at him with exaggerated teary eyes. “That’s so sad…”

“You loved him so much…”

“I didn’t-…!” Sanji huffed. “I’m not talking about it. Can we go in the cafe already?” 

“Oh, Sanji,” Splash said. “Wasn’t he on your-...?”

“Let’s go inside!” Sanji said, quickly, shoving Luffy through the door. “In the cafe, right now! All of you!” 

Usopp and Chopper were happy enough to follow Luffy inside, eager to see it, and Sanji rounded on the twins.

“They don’t know that part, okay?” Sanji told them. “Very secret. So  _ shut up about it,  _ got it?”

The twins looked even more heartbroken. 

“A secret love…” Splash murmured.

“You can’t even grieve openly…” Splatter added.

Sanji made a face. “I’m fine,” he told them, dryly. “And, anyway, it’s not-...It’s more complicated than-....Ugh. Just forget about it, okay?”

“Sanji said they aren’t talking right now,” Camie offered, ‘helpfully,’ appearing beside Sanji, face sympathetic. “So I don’t think they really broke up, so much as just had a big fight. Right, Sanji?”

Sanji turned on his heel, without answering, and stalked into the cafe. 

He was such a fucking idiot.

  
  
  
  
  


Fishman Island got weird quickly, and soon, Sanji found himself in the dining hall of a goddamn castle, trying really hard not to draw any connections. 

A much better thing to focus on, instead, was Zoro, who had already been there when they arrived, and was  _ ridiculously  _ drunk.

“Idiot swordsman,” Sanji said, looking him over. “We can’t leave him alone for ten minutes.” 

Instead of agreeing with him, though, his companions were silent, and he looked to the side to see Chopper and Usopp both watching Zoro with mournful looks. 

Sanji looked to Luffy, figuring  _ he,  _ at least, wouldn’t be weird, only to discover him absent. 

“Great,” he said, to himself. “You two are up to something, marimo’s blasted, and our captain is missing.” 

He looked aside again, where Zoro was standing a few feet away, drinking straight out of a bottle - which had probably been new when he started in on it, knowing him. 

As though sensing the eyes on him, Zoro suddenly tensed, looking up and shooting a glare over his shoulder. When he saw Sanji, he faltered a moment, almost relaxing, before catching himself and growing even more irate. 

“Don’t stare at me, creepy chef.”

Sanji flushed, annoyed. “I’m watching for when you fall over, you drunk bastard.” 

“I’m not gonna fall over!” Zoro snapped. “Drinking was the only thing interesting to do, since you guys fucking took forever.” 

“We were seeing the island!” Sanji shot back. _ “Some  _ people take the time to appreciate beauty.”

“You can’t ‘appreciate beauty,’” Zoro told him, sourly. “You have a  _ boyfriend.”  _

Sanji’s face  _ burned,  _ and he longed to dissolve himself into the floor - or, better yet, somehow turn back time, and un-say the thing he said to Robin, fixing the entire misunderstanding from the beginning. “I’m not going to kick a drunk man,” he said, firmly. “It’s not a fair fight if you can barely stand.”

Zoro shifted, turning - with a slight sway - to fully face Sanji, squaring his shoulders. “I can still kick your ass.”

“In your dreams,” Sanji said. “I’ve changed a lot in the past two years-...”

Zoro didn’t let him finish. “I fucking noticed.”

Sanji drew up short. “...The hell does that mean?”

Zoro took a few staggering steps, coming to standing in front of Sanji, right in his face. “You’re a completely different person.” 

Sanji scowled. “No, I’m not,” he protested. “Nothing about me has changed, except that I’m stronger now.”

“No,” Zoro reached out, poking a finger into his chest. “You’re  _ different.”  _

Sanji narrowed his eyes, unsure  _ what  _ Zoro was getting at, but figuring he didn’t like it. Before he could say anything, though, Usopp was at his back, dropping hands onto his shoulder and hauling him back a step. 

“Maybe we should calm down!” he said, making a motion with his hands that might have been an attempt at rubbing Sanji’s shoulders, but less in a soothing motion and more like he was trying to rip the muscle right out of the dips. “We all gotta get used to each other, again, and sure, it’s a  _ little  _ weird Sanji isn’t hitting on girls-...”

_ “That’s  _ the problem?!”

Sanji looked between them, bewildered. 

Thinking  _ that  _ about him was one thing, but for them to be genuinely thrown off by it? To look at one stupid misunderstanding and believe that something about Sanji, fundamentally, had shifted?

He could explain to them that was  _ stupid,  _ but he had no way to explain that they were wrong without sounding like he was just trying to cover it up, and couldn’t think of a way to phrase ‘appreciating women wasn’t my only notable quality’ without sounding petulant. 

He jerked his shoulders out of Usopp’s grip, instead, and reached out, catching Zoro by the arm.

The swordsman made a little noise of protest, but Sanji ignored him, hauling him away, dragging him for a side door of the palace and out into a small, secluded garden. 

“I lied.”

Zoro steadied himself as Sanji released him, straightening up, and then blinking at him, dumbfounded. “...What?”

“I  _ lied,”  _ Sanji said, firmly. “The place I trained at had a lot of guys that were interested in other guys, but they wouldn’t hit on me if they thought I was taken, which they  _ did,  _ because someone had already spread a rumor that I had a boyfriend.”

Zoro blinked again, uncomprehending. 

“It was an  _ alibi,  _ jackass,” Sanji said. “Based on that  _ fucking  _ bounty poster.” He reached out, shoving Zoro back a step.  _ “You’re _ the boyfriend, idiot. It’s a  _ lie.”  _

Zoro  _ stared.  _ “You…” He shook his head, looking entirely lost. “You told Robin..?”

“Force of habit,” Sanji said. “I’ve said it a lot the past two years, any time one of those guys would talk to me too long, or look a certain way. She complimented me and I panicked.” 

“Panicked,” Zoro echoed. He sounded numb. “And you thought she was hitting on you, so you lied and told her you liked guys.” 

“That’s not what I said,” Sanji snapped, flushing. “I never said anything like that.”

“....Eyebrows, you said you had a  _ boyfriend.”  _

“Are you listening to me or not?” Sanji defended. “I’m telling you, stop acting like there’s something different about me.” 

Zoro stared at him, and then-...

...Then, like a theater stage with the curtain dropped, his expression changed, looking  _ delighted,  _ and he let out a loud howl of laughter. 

“Idiot!” Sanji said, jutting a leg out and sweeping Zoro’s out from under him. 

The swordsman didn’t seem to mind at all, dropping onto his back in the dirt, hands on his stomach as he  _ rolled  _ with laughter. 

“It’s not funny!” Sanji told him. 

“You tried so hard to get girls you turned gay,” Zoro cackled. “And because of that bounty poster, too! You  _ hated  _ it!” 

_ “I  _ know that, dumbass!” he walked up, crouching down a bit, sticking his hand out absentmindedly to help Zoro back up. “Get out of the dirt. Act like a fucking adult.” 

Zoro stopped laughing, eyes locking on Sanji’s hand...and then he reached up, grabbing Sanji by the shirt, dragging him down and knocking him to the ground beside him. 

“Hey!”

“Shut up,” Zoro told him. “You called  _ me  _ your  _ boyfriend  _ for two years?” 

Sanji flushed, propping himself up on his elbows in the dirt. “Are you going to be an asshole about this?”

“Yeah,” Zoro said, shamelessly. “Why’d we break up?” 

Sanji stopped short, blinking at him. “...How fucking drunk are you?”

Zoro snorted. “That’s your story, right? You had a boyfriend, but now you don’t? Why’d I dump you?” 

“You-...!”

Sanji reached out, shoving Zoro by the shoulder.

“Why do you assume it was you?” Sanji demanded. “I could’ve done it.” 

“No way,” Zoro said. “I’m a way better boyfriend than you.”

Sanji shook his head, disgusted. “You’re  _ wasted.  _ Why am I talking to you?”

Zoro dropped back down, sprawled out on his back in the dirt. “I’ve kind of lost the buzz, actually.”

“Your liver is probably a damn raisin, or something,” Sanji muttered, moving to get up, only to be stopped by Zoro hauling him back down again. Turning his head to face the swordman with a disgusted noise, he demanded, _ “What  _ are you doing?”

“We’ve been dating for two years, and you won’t lay in the dirt with me?”

“I’m going to kill you,” Sanji told him. 

Zoro opened his mouth, eyes dancing, clearly far from done with his new joke, but was interrupted by a loud noise from inside the palace behind them. 

“....That was one of Usopp’s bombs,” Zoro muttered. 

“Dammit,” Sanji swore, scrambling to his feet, catching Zoro’s wrist to haul him up as well. 

When he darted to the door, ready to storm back inside, he didn’t take much note of it, but Zoro was hyper-aware of the long pause between them getting on their feet and Sanji finally letting go. 


End file.
